Raspberry Beret
by Camfield
Summary: Love Abounds competition 2nd place winner!  Spike didn't know WHAT hit him, just that he was completely and utterly flattened by the boy Tracks was holding.


Title: Raspberry Beret

Rating: R (just in case?)

Genre:Romance/Humor

Characters:Spike/Raoul, Tracks, Bumblebee

Warnings:Crack!

* * *

><p>Being friends with a race of giant alien robots had changed Spike's mind on a bunch of things. The fact that nearly their whole race identified to the humans as male did little to quell his newfound burgeoning doubt about his previously uncontested heterosexuality. Because, at least in his mind, he was attracted to a bunch of giant alien robot MEN. The pronoun application was the problem, or rather, was what made his mind THINK it was a problem, even though, really, he was fully aware that they were ungendered.<p>

Or multi-gendered, if you took Ratchet's speech on Frame types into account, but Spike was really, really trying not to think about how a race had that many genders. There was only so much his primitive organic mind could work through before giving up and labeling the whole thing as 'do not touch'.

Still, it rankled a little. He liked boobs. He KNEW he liked boobs, because he went dry at the mouth and hard in the pants whenever he managed to get Carly to let him touch hers. He was also fairly sure that he would enjoy a vagina when the time came to 'explore' a little

Well, at least he thought he might. Because right now there was only one person on his mind and they were neither female nor alien and he was CERTAIN they didn't have a boobs or a vagina.

Fuck.

_(1 week earlier)_

Spike was laughing at a joke Bumblebee cracked when he heard another, loud, booming laugh filter through the rec room. He turned to see a blue mech with wings and a red face, but what caught his eye and stopped his laugh cold was the boy in those blue hands.

Oh man.

Spike felt like there was an elephant on his chest. His mouth opened and closed, though no sound came out, and his heart started beating a hundred miles a minute. He brought a hand to clasp at nothing on his chest, breathing heavy, and his eyes tracked the boy as he was carried across the room to-

FUCK! They were coming right over to Bumblebee!

Spike's knees gave out and he thumped to the floor, two pairs of optics and one set of gorgeous brown eyes gave him concerned looks as Bumblebee helped him up.

"You alright there buddy?"

Spike still couldn't speak. When his dad had talked about feeling like something hit him when he'd seen Spike's mom, he hadn't actually thought it had been literal! Yet here he was, clutching his chest and trying to breathe properly, just like he'd been punched.

"Ay, you alright there amigo?"

Spike fumbled, eyes darting to each face as he tried to say something, but each time he caught the other boy's concerned gaze he went mute, unable to force a single sound past his lips.

"Mmmorkhah?"

Okay maybe just intelligent sounds, because that right there? That was… well it was ba/b sound. Sort of a cross between a moan and a squeak and a waaaaay too high pitched laugh. Christ, the other boy was going to think Spike was retarded; he'd never had this kind of trouble with Carly!

The boy flicked a long ponytail over his shoulder with a snap of his head and Spike swore he saw fucking GLITTER follow the trail. He tracked the movement until it fluttered over a leather clad shoulder before his eyes dropped and he noticed very suddenly that Raoul had nipples.

Very pointy nipples.

Under a very tight shirt.

That was riding up over fairly tight pants.

Distinctly, he was aware of Bumblebee and Tracks snickering over their heads, but that seemed unimportant as he watched a thin strip of skin appear and disappear above a denim waistband. Teasing him by growing larger with each movement only to vanish the next second and it wasn't until he whimpered, actually iwhimpered/i out loud that he realized that Goddamn iTracks/i was the one manipulating Raoul's shirt.

All of the sudden blood rushed to his face and he found himself, hard as a rock, standing in the middle of a group of grinning Autobots. Raoul had a resigned expression on his face his own arms held out of the way while Tracks had ahold of his shirt, his eyebrow raised in a 'really?' expression that made Spike feel about a hundred times more stupid he previously had.

"I… I have to go!"

Spike fled, face burning from embarrassment, from the rec room's human entrance to the quarters they'd built for him. There was no way he was going to be able to show his face again. Absolutely NO WAY. He was going to die, in a hole, somewhere where no one would ever find him.

Ever.

FUCK.


End file.
